Ultrasound Humor

| 4 Comments

Wolly2.jpgI had to get an ultrasound exam today - no real problem, just a precautionary test because of family history. Being who I am, as soon as I laid down on the exam table, a stream of wisecracks and jokes because to burble through my head. Just as I was about to try my first bon mot on the technician, he told me to inhale deeply and hold my breath. That was probably fortunate for both of us, as it quickly dawned on me that he’d probably heard these a million times before.

But, since they continue to burble through my head, I must release them here or inflict them on Nancy when she gets home. (Well, actually, you know I’ll end up doing both…)


JOKES I RESISTED TELLING THE ULTRSOUND TECHNICIAN

  • is it a boy or a girl?
  • can I get a wallet size for my wife?
  • gee, the last time someone squeezed out that much lube stuff… (you finish this one)
  • let me try that - I've owned many a Wooly Willy in my time.
  • is that dime I swallowed in 1954 still in there?
  • yikes, my stomach looks just like Edward R. Murrow. Or maybe Edward R. Murrow looked just like my stomach.
  • that looks like a porn film from the 1920s.
  • is that my kidney waving?

There were more. Mercifully, they’ve burbled out of my memory by now.

4 Comments

You're right. The techs have a barrel full of witticisms themselves as I found out during my recent kidney stone episode. I don't know if the boy or girl crack was a refernce to the fact that I've gained a bit weight or just a standard line. Either way I was not amused as I laid on the E.R. gurney writhing in agony.

I'm sure the tech would have welcomed a few fresh one liners for his repertoire.

You brought back memories of Allen Sherman's "I See Bones"
http://php.indiana.edu/~jbmorris/LYRICS/sherman.nut.html#3

God bless you for your restraint.
As I spend a good part of my working day being "technical" with patients I have heard many witticisms a million times, but I have a confession. As corny as they are it's always a relief for the patient and the tech to have a laugh or a smile. Everyone coming in for a medical procedure would probably rather be elsewhere, but either crisis or conscience brings you in for the dreaded "procedure". Making the best of it is a great attitude. I would much rather comment "That guy tells the same jokes every time he's here" than "Yeesh! what a cranky pants :)"
Keep 'em comin' baby. We love 'em!

I guess my lame jokes are the reason they sedate me in the reception area before my colonoscopies now.

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