Yum Makes Me Gag

| 8 Comments

I hope that you aren�t one of those people who I have been running across all too often lately who suffer from the serious vocabulary disability which results in a compulsion to use a monosyllabic utterance when trying to describe how good food tastes. If so, I would very much like to help you. Treatment recommendations are at the bottom of this entry. You can jump there now if this is something that has really been bothering you and my offer of help is the first that you�ve received. If you are having trouble seeing my concern about your disability, read on.

�This is a yum dessert.� �We had dinner at Antonio�s restaurant last night, yum!� �He made a really yum cake.� Try saying these out loud when you are alone. Then take this short quiz.

  • Aren't you embarrassed?

  • Does saying this make you feel uneducated?

  • Have you ever read a book?

  • I don't even know what the hell "yum" means.

  • It made me hum "Yummy, yummy, yummy, I have love in my tummy."
    and laugh out loud.

  • (Give yourself 1 point for each YES answer)

  • Do these make you want to get boob-job and dyed your hair blonde?

  • Are you over thirteen years old?

  • Did the descriptions make your mouth water?

  • Did you have to take the gum out of your mouth in order to say them out loud?

  • Have you used the word "yum" in the past year?

  • If Emeril can use the word, it's all right by me.

  • (Give yourself 1 point for each NO answer)

    Add up your score. If you scored 9 or less, go right to the treatment section below. If you scored 9 or more, you can feel smug and go do something else.

    Treatment
    Though a complete cure may not be possible, the following treatments may ease your condition somewhat. Since this is a relatively new field, only two established treatments are available.

    Aversion Therapy
    You come stay a week with Nancy and me in our Vermont home. We prepare all your meals. You can feel free to use the word �yum� to describe anything that we feed you. Each time you do, I will reach across the table and smack you hard across the head. �Yum� usually fades from the patient�s vocabulary within five days.

    Self-Directed Therapy
    For thirty minutes each day you repeat the following phrases over and over out loud in the privacy of your home:

    �Yum, I�m an ass.�
    �Yum makes me gag.�
    �Yum tastes like crop.�
    �Yum, I�m a moron.�
    �Yum, screw you!�
    �Yum, I need to vomit.�

    Soon they will be popping out in your normal speech. The rest will take care of itself.

    I hope this helps.

    If you�d like to read my research on the etymological roots of the word �yum�, click below.

    Yum, an Etymological Journey

    Etymologists agree that yum has its roots in Mongolia, though they disagree on its exact meaning. The researchers have found that the word is actually an acronym for a favorite dish of these rugged people. The area of disagreement comes from deciding the precise dish that is the basis of the acronym.

    The yeti-ists contend that yum stand for Yeti Uterus Meat, a local delicacy served on important holidays and Survivor premiere nights. Appropriately, it is served with eggs.

    The yakists hold that yum is actually Yak Udder Mash, a sort of gruelly meat sauce that is used in making Sloppy Kuujujuks. Sloppy Kuujujuks are a traditional Super Bowl dish served at �tail parties� (no gates on these horses) and church picnics. It is also known as �Attila�s Revenge�.

    8 Comments

    Some background, please. Where did you hear yum used this way in the first place?

    In a number of places, actually. In a coffee shop near my home last week. In an listserve description of a meal the other day. And in a recent email from a relative who I love dearly. I just want to help...

    Hmm. Makes me think of the recipe for Tom Yum Soup in yesterday's NYT.

    well let me just add to the YUM conversation. in belgium they don't even have to speak. there is a hand gesture (get your mind out of the gutter) to say that something is delicious. you put your open hand cupped behind your ear and you make a "C" type motion around it. this way you don't even have to stop eating. if you want to punctuate it you can use the word Lekka. so which is worse, YUM, or the hand gesture.

    In all fairness to us chidren under two, Yum is an intricate part of the vocabulary. In fact it is the only word in our vocabulary.

    Skutch, let me get this straight. The Belgians associate taste with their ears? Hmph... and to think that they make such good waffles and beer.

    It's okay Olivia, two years olds (and their parents who end up talking just like them for about 5 years) have a special dispensation. Besides, you probably scored well on the survey.

    I think the world needs some updated Olivia pictures.

    I confess. I use the word "yummy". After a long day on the job injecting radioactive material into potential cardiac patients I welcome a little down time at home. My three little kitties greet me as I walk up the stairs. Well, ok, Rascal does weigh 15 big ones, but Elliot and Monet are kitty-size. They are crying as though they lost their mittens, but I know they want to eat. Eat cat food. Yuck to me, yummy to them. In order not to gag as I portion out dollops of Creamed Salmon in Whitefish Mousse I find myself saying "Oooh, yummy, isn't that delicious! Yummy!" Monet tries to mimic the yummy sound, but has only achieved meoumy at this point.
    I'm not sure if this behavior (on my part) is due to radiation exposure or cat scratch fever. Hmmm.

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    This page contains a single entry by published on January 22, 2004 10:17 AM.

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