Email Catch-up

I get so much email that it is very hard to keep up with getting back to everyone who writes. The surprising thing is the amount of email I get from complete strangers who are kind enough to offer me all sorts of solutions to my problems and opportunities to improve my situation. Maybe there are many more people reading this blog than I had thought. No matter, I just can�t keep up with individual responses. So in the hope that all of those kind folks are visiting this site regularly, I�m going to try to answer some of their email en masse here today.

Dear Ngomi, Mohit, and Princeleo Molberny,

Boy, it must be tough getting money out of the bank in Nigeria. Between your disgraced royal families and the fortunes stashed away by ruthless dictators, it seems like half the funds in Nigerian banks are all tied up. You�d think that ruthless dictators would stash that money in Swiss banks, but then, if they were that smart they wouldn�t have ended up strung up by their heels after the coup, would they! Ha-ha! Unfortunately, I really don�t have the $100,000 or more that you require so I can�t be of much help. However, I see lots of ads on U.S, television for places like Ditech and The Money Store. Maybe they could help you out? Email me and I�ll send you their U.S. phone numbers.

Best wishes, Bob


Dear Candy, Heather, Trixie, Tina, and all the rest of you nice ladies,

How nice of you to worry about my social life! I had no idea that support organizations such as yours were so common. I�m sure there are many men who would like to meet a coed or a suburban mom or a shy Asian woman. I am happily married to Nancy, however, and don�t really need your kind assistance. But I think I have a solution for you. I also seem to get a lot of email from organizations of men who are looking for companionship. Maybe I could hook you guys up. Wouldn�t that be cool? Boy, it would make my day if a few of you found Mr. Right. Just let me know.

ps - One personal question - How do you ever get your shoulder harnesses on in the car? I mean, I�m just s regular guy and it sometimes I find it tough to swing across my chest. But you probably worked that problem out about the same time you resolved the issue of the horn constantly being pushed, right?

Sincerely, Bob


Dear Aida, Herbert, Marlin, and Dr. Thornton,

I guess that stuff for making your penis grow is something they leave out of the Burpee catalog and you are just trying to help out. The problem is that, if I were to taking advantage of all your offers, I�d end up having to purchase a specially made right sock. It�s uncomfortable enough dealing with crotch creep during long drives and plane rides; if I were to use all your wonderful creams and pills, it would be agony. I think that I know a good customer for you, though. Try our President! He seems to have issues that are crying out for some enhancement.

Take care, Bob


Hi Cameroiinbarnhart and,

Wow, I didn�t know that Botox came in a bottle already! That�s faster than it took Claritin to reach the Rite-Aid. I figure it�s because Cher, Joan Rivers, and John Kerry scarfed up so much of the supply that they are making it up on volume now. I can�t take advantage of your kind offer, however. You see, I looked at the before and after pictures you sent and realized that the secret ingredient in your product is the PhotoShop Blur filter. I did a little experimenting and there is just no way that I can fit my head in my scanner and operate the mouse accurately at the same time. (I did get a very nice, clear scan up my nose that I may use on Christmas cards next year - looks like a pine forest up there - who knew!). Anyway, thanks for the offer.

Yours, Bob


You don't need to worry until Lazlo Toth starts sending YOU letters.

or a free sample "pope on a rope"...

Well a big sarcastic Thank You dear brother. Here I thought that I was special! They said that those e-mails were just for me. They sounded so personal. My life is in totral disarray! I think I going to go to Florida and....wait a minute I am all ready on florida. This is getting worse by the minute.

Trixie, Candy, Dr. Thorton...someone send me an e-mail and help me!!!!!!


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This page contains a single entry by published on February 9, 2004 12:56 PM.

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