March 2005 Archives

Is Nothing Sacred?


Sometimes you don't even have to make things up.

Suspects sought for Easter Bunny beating


USA - Rotterdam police are looking for three teens who witnesses say attacked an Easter Bunny at Rotterdam Square Mall. The bunny was at the Cherry Hill Photo Store to have his picture taken with children Thursday night.

Witnesses said three teens walked by and one hit the bunny in the back of the head.

The man inside the bunny suit is fine. He estimated $600 in damages was done to the head of the suit.

Police are still looking for the teens.

Mom's St. Patrick's Day


Transcript of my phone call to my mother yesterday to wish her a happy St. Patrick’s Day:

Phone rings and is answered by my mother:

Mom: Erin Go Bragh!

Me: (in really bad Irish accent for most of the rest of this conversation) Top ‘o the mornin’ to ya! Will I be speakin’ to Janey Trancho?

Mom: (warily) Yes…?

Me: Janey this is Cardinal O’Connor callin’ to wish you a happy St. Patrick’s day! You know, because of the time difference here in heaven, we started tippin’ a few back several hours ago and we’ve been sitting around and decided to give you a call to bring a smile to your face this glorious day.

Mom: Even though you’re dead?

Me: Ha - ha! Ya know, here in heaven it don’t make much difference. We figured that a woman who has popped out more piglets than the parson’s sow could use a little uplift on this glorious day. Fulton J. Sheen and I (Fulton - get off that skateboard! you’ll be killin’ yerself if yer not careful. - What am I sayin’ - he’s dead already too! - go ahead and enjoy yerself Fulton, but hike up the damned cape will ya!…).

Mom: (nervous laughter) So your having a good time are you?

Me: Gosh and begora Janey, yes! And we’re hopin’ that the day is as glorious for you as it is for us!

Mom: (warily) I’m sure it will be…

Me: (slipping back into my normal voice) So, how are you, Mom?

Mom: OH ROBERT!!! I didn’t know that was you! The accent was so real!

Me: (thinking to myself) Jeez - how often does Cardinal O’Connor actually call her?


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