Mom's St. Patrick's Day

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Transcript of my phone call to my mother yesterday to wish her a happy St. Patrick’s Day:

Phone rings and is answered by my mother:

Mom: Erin Go Bragh!

Me: (in really bad Irish accent for most of the rest of this conversation) Top ‘o the mornin’ to ya! Will I be speakin’ to Janey Trancho?

Mom: (warily) Yes…?

Me: Janey this is Cardinal O’Connor callin’ to wish you a happy St. Patrick’s day! You know, because of the time difference here in heaven, we started tippin’ a few back several hours ago and we’ve been sitting around and decided to give you a call to bring a smile to your face this glorious day.

Mom: Even though you’re dead?

Me: Ha - ha! Ya know, here in heaven it don’t make much difference. We figured that a woman who has popped out more piglets than the parson’s sow could use a little uplift on this glorious day. Fulton J. Sheen and I (Fulton - get off that skateboard! you’ll be killin’ yerself if yer not careful. - What am I sayin’ - he’s dead already too! - go ahead and enjoy yerself Fulton, but hike up the damned cape will ya!…).

Mom: (nervous laughter) So your having a good time are you?

Me: Gosh and begora Janey, yes! And we’re hopin’ that the day is as glorious for you as it is for us!

Mom: (warily) I’m sure it will be…

Me: (slipping back into my normal voice) So, how are you, Mom?

Mom: OH ROBERT!!! I didn’t know that was you! The accent was so real!

Me: (thinking to myself) Jeez - how often does Cardinal O’Connor actually call her?

4 Comments

The scariest part of this whole piece is that I can actually picture it happening.

which part? the Fulton J. Sheen on a skateboard or Mom communing on a regular basis with Cardinal O'Connor?

It's a good thing you called early in the day.
Mom's plans for the evening included whipping up some Irish coffees for the choir. To be consumed during a break in rehearsal. Oh, to be a fly on the wall for the second part of that choir rehearsal. I'll bet Fulton and company chimed in too, in harmony.

I'm sincerely disturbed by the fact that Grandma has been saying "Corie LEIGH" to me in the exact same "Oh ROBERT" tone as of late.

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