July 2005 Archives

Goatland Security

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As the recent terrorist horror in London brings the world-wide threat back into our day to day consciousness, it’s good to see that our government is putting its resources where they’ll do the most to protect likely targets. Take, for instance, the recent terror drill at a goat show in Kentucky.

The scenario here was that terrorists had identified the crucial role goats play in America’s agricultural destiny and, seeing that Kentucky (couldn’t you guess this?) is one of America’s five top goat producing states, and proceeded to “infect the goats with a bio-agent” which is spread to the people attending the show. (We won’t go into how the agent is communicated, and what you’re thinking about those goat loving Kentuckians right now is very unfair.)

25,000 shipping containers a day enter the country unchecked; the subways in New York City and Washington are vulnerable; and chemical plants are unguarded; but, in the words of Andrew Cline, a Homeland Security Agency deputy director, "We try to focus on what really matters to Kentucky, this is a perfect way to do it."

So in addition to providing a training ground for 20,000 new terrorists a year in Iraq, we've now placed proper emphasis on protecting America's goats.

Do you feel safer now? I know that I do.

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