October 2005 Archives

Neo Science

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If I am to believe the current thinking of many conservatives and fundamentalist Christians, much of what has passed for science over the past 500 years is really just conjecture and opinion. Though this may cause many who are rational rather than ovine some serious consternation, it has brought to the fore a whole bunch of ideas that had settled into the deeper recesses of my mind over the years. There may be good reasons why these ideas landed on my compose heap of thoughts, but taken in the context of the paleocon revolution (whoops I almost wrote “evolution”!), they might bear review. Let’s try some out:

Life Begins at Erection
This is not exactly a new idea, something similar having been drummed into my head during the religious instruction preparation for my confirmation. If just thinking about sex is a sin, then actually ramping up for procreation is certainly the first firm step in the process. Let’s ban all erections that don’t result in successful propagation (except in cases where the life of the man is in danger).

Intelligent Design HAS Been Proven
Just look at the iPod. Would the whimsy of evolution come up with a device that costs twice that of a comparable music player and then force you to buy all your songs from the same vendor; but you actually don’t own what you “buy”, thereby spending your money for nothing; all the time thinking you’re special because you are one of the select ten million who own one? Oh no, I don’t think so.

Area 51
What a fantastic misdirection they’ve pulled off here. All the hype about alien spacecraft being tested and pointy headed little folks being dissected has kept the populous entranced for years. The truth IS out there. It’s the factory where they make all those blue Wal-Mart vests.

Nature’s Perfect Food
Let’s toss out that hogwash we learned in 4th grade science about the basic food groups consisting of meats, vegetables, and such. After all, "it's just a theory". Here's the truth - the basic food groups are chocolate, caramel, and peanuts. Yes, nature’s perfect food is Snickers.

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