June 22, 2007
Dishwasher Cabinet
May 31, 2007
As Life’s Certainties Crumble
Part of life is weathering the realizations that ideas and principals you’ve been taught growing up are wrong. I grew up being told that our government and the people who run it have our best interests at heart. I learned that was an idealistic dream in the late ‘60s. I was taught that one needed to respect authority and those in positions of power. It took only a few weeks into joining the workforce that I realized how the Peter Principal worked; that most bosses and supervisors weren’t necessarily smarter or wiser, in fact most were dumber and more foolish, they were just more aggressive.And so now I consider myself much wiser and considerably more safely cynical. I’m snug in my skepticism and cozy in my disbelief. That didn’t prepare me for what I learned last week. How was I to know that 55 years of shoe tying as I knew it was all a lie?
Tying my shoes is as automatic as breathing. I estimate that I’ve tied my shoes more than 30,000 times over the years. I estimate that the last 29,750 were done without thinking. I estimate that 10,000 of those shoe tyings were retying shoes that came undone. I’ve tied my shoes in the dark, looking the other way, and while involved in conversation. I had taken it for granted that shoelaces, by their very nature, become untied during the course of a day. Just retie on autopilot and go on.
I hate to blame my parents, but they taught me the wrong way to tie my shoes. I’ve been taught what is known as the “Granny Knot”. I bet there’s a good chance you were taught the Granny Knot, too. After you tie you laces, does the bow run longitudinally along the length of your shoe? Do you laces invariably become untied? You’re not alone.
Once I discovered this I had to begin the painful process of relearning to tie my laces. I’m 4 years old all over again. My fingers are spastic. What once took 3 seconds now takes 10. What once was done while watching the news or telling a joke now takes concentration that forces my tongue out the side of my mouth. I now finish lacing my shoes with the same sense of pride I felt 55 years ago. It’s taking a LONG time to get used to. All those years of habit and muscle memory won’t go away easily. And I’m haunted by the thought that by the time this becomes second nature I’ll need someone to tie my laces for me anyway.
Learn the correct way to tie your laces at Ian's Shoelace Site.
| Comments (6)January 18, 2007
Hot Ice Cream
December 2, 2006
Memory
I have come to the conclusion that there is simply a finite amount of memory capacity in the human brain and that mine reached its limit a while back.
Any new, important information to be stored, by necessity, requires the elimination of an equal amount of now less important information.
This has been complicated by the fact that I have lived in three different homes in the past 4 years and while things should settle down now that I'll be staying put for the foreseeable future, there will be a period of adjustment.
Therefore, in order for me to remember that my socks are in the top right hand drawer of the dresser, the Weather Channel is now at 23, and the adjustable wrench is hanging in the upper left corner of the tool board in the basement, I can no longer be counted on to remember your name.
I'll probably remember your face and give you a vague "Hi there!" greeting. If so, count yourself as one of the fortunate few.
| Comments (1)February 5, 2006
No Coinicidence
No, there is no coincidence that the deaths of Bettry Friedan and Al Lewis were announced within 24 hours of each other. The truth is pretty obvious - Betty Friedan was All Lewis in drag. Or maybe Al Lewis was Betty Friedan in drag. Now we'll never know...
September 14, 2005
If 4 Blades are Good…
...then 16 must be better. Gillette has just announced a 5 blade Fusion razor to one-up Schick’s 4 blade Quattro. Let’s just cut to the chase - here’s my 16 blade. Whip this baby down your neck and enjoy the results.
February 28, 2005
Prepositionwear
Prepositionwear has been intruding on my mind lately. It started when I decided to buy a new jacket last week. My first reaction was to look online at some of the major retailers to see what might still be available now that we are all supposed to be buying bathing suits and cargo shorts (after all, it’s February already - just ignore the 14” snowstorm occurring out my window as I write this…).
I logging onto L.L. Bean, I realized that I needed to choose “outerwear” - a logical category since the jacket would be the outermost piece of clothing. But then it dawned on me that the innermost piece of clothing is called “underwear” - why not “innerwear”. For that matter, why not call jackets “overwear”?
The wheels started spinning. Should I go to the department store and ask where the "overwear" is displayed? Would the salesperson run off if I enquired about "bottomcoats" as Spring alternative to a topcoat?
I had the good sense to mention all this to Nancy on our way into Macys on Saturday. She gave me a verbal head slap and I managed to behave myself. But it wasn’t easy.
| Comments (1)